Episode 17:
Are We There Yet?

        The year is After Colony 216. After their original attempts at defeating the World Nation and Martian forces, Venusian governess Nimeesha Pembroke, with the aid of her trusted assistant Kwannon Yokoshima, sets in motion a new plan to destabilize the World Nation from its source, rather than waste precious forces in any more futile attacks.

        Things seem to be running smoothly on Earth, while on Mars, the PMS has vanished from the academy, as has one of the high speed shuttles.

        "The shuttle I.D.s have been swapped. When we take off, it'll look like it was scheduled."
    "All we have to do is sign out of the academy. We'll probably need an explanation for it."
    "Our mother wants us home. She thinks there is no need for us to train to be pilots with the peace talks going on. They'll buy that." Arthur smirked.
    "So when are we leaving?" Chayton leaned against a wall.
    "Tonight. That's when the shuttle we've switched I.D. numbers with is supposed to take off. Let's go get signed out."
    "Yeah. Hopefully they won't ask too many questions." Chayton sighed.

        "Withdrawing from the academy? You've only been here a few days." Noin blinked.
    "Well... Our mom called," Arthur smiled sweetly, "With the peace talks going on, she doesn't think there'll be a need for pilots, so she wants us to come home. Go to college... You know."
    "Hmm... I see." Noin frowned slightly, "You'd have been excellent pilots, but I can understand how your mother must feel. I don't exactly want my son piloting either." Noin sighed, "All right. Your dorm keys, please?"
    "Here." Chayton handed over the keys, "We're all packed up, so we'll be catching the next flight to Earth."

        Meiran frowned and watched to two boys leave, then went into Noin's office.
    "Where are they going?"
    "Meiran... They just withdrew from the academy. They're going to catch the next flight to Earth. Planning on following them there, too?" Noin rolled her eyes.
    "... I don't trust them!" Meiran crossed her arms.
    "Meiran... Why don't you start getting your own things ready for when you leave?"
    "Feh... Fine..."

        Chayton sat down in the cockpit of the shuttle next to Arthur.
    "Let's go. Or we'll miss our window."
    "HEY! WE OBJECT!!!" Jenna yelled.
    "WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH US!?" Shannon shouted.
    "YOU PLAN TO RAPE US, DON'T YOU!?! I HATE MEN!" Stephanie shrieked. Arthur and Chayton practically fell over.
    "No you idiots! We're taking you to Venus!" Chayton sweatdropped.
    "And we wouldn't want to sleep with the likes of you, anyways." Arthur sneered.
    The shuttle took off, much to the dismay of the PMS.
    "We'll make them regret taking us..." Kiandra twitched.
    "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOHOHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The three Naga laughing ninnies... laughed together.
    "It's going to be a long trip..." Chayton glanced back at the crates.

        15 minutes later....

    "Are we there yet?" Jenna whined.
    "Yeah! Are we!? These boxes are stuffy!" Shannon twitched, "... SING IT, GIRLS!"
    "And these people build Gundams?" Arthur twitched. Chayton shrugged.

        "Hey, Tiana, whacha think?" Ariana finished posing all her models in the Can-Can across the dinner table.
    "Um..." Tiana blinked, "They're all very well put together??"
    "Well yeah, I built them. Hmm... Hey! Do you have any top secret information on the Venus suits? I wanna build models of them too."
    "Um... No... I've never even been on any of the bases around the suits. I've spent most of my time in a boarding school."
    "Eeh... Boarding school. Mom tried to put me into one of those, but I got kicked out within a week." Ariana made a face.
    "I see... I've spent most of my life attending boarding schools. I'm used to it. Though I do wish I could spend more time at home."

        "Imouto! Do we have a plan yet??" Stephanie asked, hopefully.
    "Yeah, do we have a plan? Do we?" Momoko asked.
    "YES!" Shannon crowed.
    "Oh this I have to hear." Tiffany sighed.
    "WE HAVE A PLAN!" Stephanie cheered.
    "Tell us! Tell us!" Jenna demanded. Arthur and Chayton exchanged glances up in the cockpit.
    "Okay..." Shannon took a deep breath, "We get to the cockpit, knock them out, and fly this thing back to Mars!"
    Tiffany would have fallen over if she could.
    "Um... Imouto..."
    "You skipped an important step, no da..." Jeanie sweatdropped, "How do we get out of here?"
    "We get to the cockpit, knock them out, and fly this thing back to Mars!"
    "Ooooookay......" Jenna raised an eyebrow, "But how do we get out of the crates?"
    "I haven't gotten to that part yet. Give me a while." Shannon banged her head on the crate, "This should help."
    "We're doomed..." Kiandra whimpered, "I miss my Wuffie-chan..."
    "OH WILL YOU GET OVER WUFEI, KIANDRA???" Shannon yelled.
    "Are we there yet?" Momoko wailed. Tiffany sighed. If she wasn't clinically insane at the start of this trip, she would be by the end of it.

        "Why are there mobile suits Can-Can-ing across my dinner table?" Heero looked at Ariana. Tiana just shrugged.
    "Well... Because I put them there?" Ariana grinned, "And look, Dad! Wing Zero and Epyon are waltzing!"
    Relena arrived in time to prevent the slaughtering of Ariana's models.
    "Why don't you clean up your models since I'm going to have to set the table soon?" She asked.
    "Aw man... Okay Mom." Ariana reluctantly picked up her models and headed for her room, followed by Tiana.
    "Dad hates it when I pose the Epyon and Wing Zero models like that. You should have seen him when I had them hugging. He nearly shot them off the table." Ariana grinned. Tiana blinked. This was so different from how things were around her home.
    "If your father doesn't like it, why do you do it?"
    "To annoy 'im. He looks so funny when he gets annoyed because he's so monotone the rest of the time."
    "Oh... I was never like that with my father. He didn't spend much time with me. But he died when I was eight."
    "Oh yeah, he was assassinated, wasn't he?" Ariana glanced at her friend. Tiana nodded.
    "I never really knew him that well. Chayton says he could be a real jerk."
    "Chayton?" Ariana blinked.
    "Chayton's one of my older brothers. I have two. But I hardly get to see them since I spend most of my time away at school. Arthur was named after my dad. Chayton said that he acts a lot like my dad." Tiana looked thoughtful, "It's really interesting. Arthur can be so stuck up while Chayton is really nice. I guess Father didn't spend much time with Chayton so it didn't rub off on him."
    "I'd hate to be named after one of my parents... I spent a lot of time with Shino before he started working with the Preventers. Now I spend most of the time out back in my personal scrap heap building stuff."
    "What do you build?" Tiana blinked.
    "Promise not to tell ANYONE? Shino and Sidra would probably get pissed if I said..."
    "All right. I promise."
    "I recently finished building a Gundam." Ariana waited to see how Tiana would react.
    Tiana threw dignity to the wind and fell over.
    "You what!?"

    "Did anybody make sense of that, no da?" Jeanie blinked.
    "She said," Jenna translated, "'I want to work on Altron. I want Wuffie. I want to work on Altron. I want Wuffie."
    "Don't you guys realize how serious our situation is??" Tiffany snapped.
    "Yes. We're being kidnapped, probably to be used by Venus." Shannon stated, "And no, I don't know how to get out of these crates."
    "I HAVE AN IDEA! I HAVE MY CELL PHONE!" Stephanie smirked and began dialing.
    "We're saved!!!!!" Momoko cheered. Arthur and Chayton glanced back at the crates.
    "........ NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Stephanie wailed, and turned the volume up on the phone so all could hear the dire message.
    "We're sorry. Your account has expired. Please contact your provider if you would like to renew." The phone chirped.
    "So much for that idea of theirs." Chayton blinked. Arthur nodded.
    "ARE WE THERE YET, DAMNIT!?!?!" Momoko shouted, and soon the group, sans Tiffany, broke into another chorus of the 'Are We There Yet' song.
    "I'm regretting this more and more." Arthur twitched.
    "Is it too late to return them?" Chayton sighed. Arthur gave his older brother a condescending look.
    Tiffany closed her eyes. It was bad enough being kidnapped and having a hangover, but listening to her co-workers prattle was just making it worse. I really screwed up. If only I hadn't left campus. I might not be here now then. They might have been able to find the missing shuttle and everyone else before those idiots could get away. Damnit. And how the hell is Trowa gonna react- Why the hell am I bothering to think about him at a time like this? I'm supposed to be mad at him. And I should be trying to figure out a way out of this crate so we can actually use Shannon's plan-
    "I HAVE AN IDEA!!!!" Jeanie crowed, "I shall vanish into my kasa like Chichiri and pop out of my kasa on Mars!" How she'd gotten a new kasa, no one knows.
    "What about the rest of us!?"
    "I'll pop in and let you out! Then we can take over the shuttle, no da!"
    "TRY IT! TRY IT!" The PMS, sans Tiffany, cheered. Moments later...
    "... da.... It's not working, no da."
    "Oro..." Stephanie sweatdropped.
    "I can't believe you guys." Tiffany leaned against one of the walls of her crate. So we're going to Venus. They must want us to design suits, or probably more specifically, Gundams for them. Lovely...

        "Yuy Residence." Sidra picked up the ringing phone, "Relena and Heero aren-"
    "SIDRA!" There was a crash from the other end of the line. It was Milliardo.
    "U-uh... F*ck... Hi Dad?"
    "Ariana said you weren't there!!" Milliardo picked himself up off the floor and yelled over his shoulder, "NOIN!! SIDRA IS WITH HEERO AND RELENA!"
    "WHAT!?!" Noin could be heard shouting. Sidra winced.
    "Are you all right!? We've been worried sick about you!! Why didn't anyone tell us you were here!?"
    "Aunt Relena and Uncle Heero decided it wasn't the best idea since you had stuff to do there... But I'm all right. I had some problems with the Tallgeese at first but I've been practicing with Ariana-" Sidra explained rapidly.
    "How has Ariana been practicing?"
    "Eehh... Long story. Anyways. I'm all right. I'm sorry about what happened and stuff, but I've gotten the hang of the Tallgeese now... I've seen the ambassador and I don't trust her. Pembroke's daughter is here too and Shino says she's okay..."
    "Well, here's some bad news for Heero and Relena. I've got too much to do to get mad at you right now." Milliardo sighed, "The engineers hired to built the suits have vanished, as has one of our high speed shuttles. We're think someone from Venus is behind it. Watch yourself around that ambassador- And Siduri says hello." Milliardo glanced over his shoulder at his son.
    "YO SIS!!!!!!!!!!!" Siduri shouted so Sidra could hear him over the phone.

        "I HAVE AN IDEA!!!!" Steph shouted.
    "What? What? TELL ME ANEEEEKI!" Shannon whined, "Because I'm going to need to go to the bathroom soon. And I can't in this crate."
    Arthur and Chayton exchanged worried looks.
    "I'm getting a headache." Arthur sighed.
    "OKAY! I'M GOING TRY KI BLASTING MY WAY OUT! I've seen it on DBZ enough times! It's easy!!"
    "GO FOR IT!!" The other 5 crazies cheered.
    "Kaaaame-" Stephanie reared her hands back, ala Gokou. Tiffany sighed and shook her head. "haaaame-" Stephanie started to increase her volume, concentrating fiercely on the task at hand.
    "YOU CAN DO IT, ANEKI!!!!"
    "GO STEPH!!!!" Jenna cheered, "IF SHE CAN'T DO! NO ONE CAN!"
    "If that's the case, we're doomed." Tiffany drolly stated, slumping.
    "HAAA!!!!!!!!" Stephanie shouted, flinging her hands forward, expecting to release a glowing blue ball of whoop-@$$. Instead, her hands smashed into the side of the crate with a loud smash.. "OWWWW!!!!!!!!!"
    "Try another attack?" Jenna blinked.
    "My hands hurt... Okay... one more try..." Stephanie narrowed her eyes.
    "Hey! Maybe she needs to be a Super Saiya-jin, no da!"
    "That's an idea!" Stephanie nodded.
    Arthur looked at Chayton.
    "I'm not sure if I should be worried or not." The black haired youth glanced back at the crates.
    "I think the over all sanity level back there has dropped. Greatly."
    "I RESENT THAT." Tiffany snapped.
    "US TOO!" The rest of the PMS chorused, "WE WERE INSANE TO BEGIN WITH!"
    "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! I WILL BECOME A SUPER SAIYA-JIN!!!!!!!" Stephanie could be heard screaming inside.
    "... You weren't a saiya-jin to begin with." Jenna pointed out.
    "Okay.... Stephanie's officially lost it." Kiandra sweatdropped, "And it's only a matter of time before we do too."
    "God, doesn't she have to breathe or something?" Arthur winced, plugging his ears.
    "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Steph was still screaming.
    "WILL YOU SHUT UP!?!" Tiffany growled.
    "YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! ooh..... lookit the pretty colors..." Stephanie promptly passed out from oxygen deprivation.
    "Oneesan is down for the count.... Anybody else know how to do a ki blast?" Shannon blinked, "Hey... the crates are made out of wood.. Maybe I have some matches in my mini backpack." The girl began digging through her small bag.
    "Find anything useful, no da?"
    "Hahahah! I found something better than matches! I found notebook paper!"
    Tiffany banged her head on the walls of her crate.
    Quickly, Shannon folded a sheet into a halisan (paper fan).
    Everyone held their breath expecting Shannon's crate to burst into flames (except Tiffany). Nothing happened.
    "DAMN!" Shannon sighed, "I'll try something else...... Darkness beyond blackest pitch. Deeper than the deepest night..."
    "... Did I mention it's that time of the month?"
    Several crates fell over.
    "We didn't need to know that..." Chayton sweatdropped. Arthur nodded numbly.
    "Jeanie and Shannon have lost it." Momoko sweatdropped, "Our numbers are dwindling."
    "FLARE AAAAARRRROOOOOOW!" Jeanie shouted, "NO DA!!!!" Not surprisingly, nothing happened.
    "Kiandra! You try something!" Shannon sighed.
    "Um... Okay.... hmm.... OKAY!!!! FLAREUPNOW!!!!"
    And of course, nothing happened.
    "Kiandra is down. It's only a matter time before we go Jenna..." Momoko slumped.
    "I'LL NEVER LET GO!" Jenna cried. Tiffany twitched.
    "Hey.... maybe I can fake them out..... ICEBERG RIGHT AHEAD!!!!" Jenna shouted. Arthur and Chayton ignored it.
    "Looks like it's me and you, Tiffany." Momoko boggled.
    "BIG BANG ATTACK!!!!" Stephanie was awake again.
    Tiffany sighed. This is NOT happening. This is just not happening. This is a bad dream and I'll wake up in my apartment hung over as hell. This couldn't be happening to me.
    "I'm giving up..... FREEZE ARROW!!!!!!!!!" Momoko shouted, "DEMONA!!!! CRYSTAL!!!!!"
    "NYAN NYAN!! FIX FIX! CURE CURE!" Jeanie shouted.
    "I'm going to try turning Super Saiya-jin again!"
    Arthur and Chayton exchanged glances and covered their ears.
    "FREEZA KILLED KRILLIN!" Jenna shouted helpfully.
    "WATER DRAGON!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Shannon attempted a different type of magic. Nothing happened, "Damnit! Things are supposed to happen if you believe they will in Cephiro!!!"
    "We aren't in Cephiro, idiot." Tiffany stated as the voice of reason.
    "HAS SHE SHUT UP!?" Chayton shouted.
    "No. Can you let me off here?" Tiffany sighed.
    "HEAR MY BATTLE CRY!" Shannon shouted, "AI NO TAMPONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
    Arthur meanwhile had found ear plugs and was stuffing them in his ears. What the hell is with these people!?
    "CELL KILLED TRUNKS, REMEMBER!?!?!?!?!" Jenna yelled.
    "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" For a moment, it almost sounded like Stephanie would actually do it. Almost.
    "Yaaa........ okay.... air... need it...." Stephanie passed out again.
    "NO!!!! ANEKI!!!!!! ANEKI!!!!!!!!!" Shannon cried out, "I NEED A YO-YO, DAMNIT!!! RYUSEISUI!!!! I NEED RYUSEISUI!!!!" Something plastic thunked against the inside of Shannon's crate. Probably a yo-yo.
    "Are we there yet?" Tiffany sighed.
    "Almost." Chayton sweatdropped, "We're landing!"
    "YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!" Everyone else cheered, including Stephanie, who'd already woken back up.

        "So, Tiana... What are your views on this whole war?" Relena smiled. Ariana slumped in her chair, bored with her mother and Tiana's discussion of politics and the war.
    "I don't actually know all the facts, but I can see why the people of Venus are ready to fight. With how conditions are, especially in the poor areas, I'd want to do something to change it all. Even start a war. I think though, it's sad that Venus had to resort to this."
    "Are you aware that Venus suits have been remotely detonated?" Heero joined in the conversation.
    "W-what?" Tiana blinked, "Remotely detonated?"
    Heero nodded.
    "Blown up by remote from Venus." He stated flatly.
    "I... I never knew..." Tiana looked down, aghast, "I had no idea." I'll ask Kwannon about it some time... We're killing our own people?
    "The Senate is also itching to start something." Relena sighed, "I think sometimes I'm the only thing keeping them from doing anything drastic. They just don't know what a war could do to everyone."
    Heero walked over and put an arm around his wife's shoulders.
    "It will all work out some how, Relena."
    Relena nodded. Ariana focused on pouring (more) sugar into her tea.
    "At least my brother knows his daughter is here now. I suppose we ought to have told him sooner." Relena looked over a Sidra, who was busily trying to think of how to explain everything to her folks when she got home.
    "Hey, when's Shino comin' back? I have to tell him I talked to my dad."
    "He should be back in a day or so." Ariana sulked.

        "So these are the engineers?" Nimeesha paced in front of the sullen PMS members, "I assume you know basically what we want?"
    "Ma's secret recipe for clam chowder?" Jenna guessed.
    "The location of the Clair Bible, no da?" Jeanie pondered.
    "The secret to becoming a Super Saiya-jin??" Stephanie piped up.
    "How to get your hair this pink?" Momoko pointed at her hair.
    "Wufei?" Kiandra boggled.
    "You want to ransom me to Nate for free web space?" Shannon added, then whined, "I miss Nate!"
    "Suits, right?" Tiffany glanced at her fellow PMS members.
    "And we had to put up with these nuts for 36 hours on the shuttle, Mom."
    "It was hell in space." Arthur sighed.
    "I see. Well, suits is the correct answer. Gundams to be more specific. Two. One for each of them." Nimeesha looked over at her two sons, "They're the best pilots we have."
    "Well that doesn't say much, does it?" Tiffany scowled. Arthur glared at her. Chayton ignored the comment.
    "Go Tiff!" Jenna smirked.
    "Maaaaaan.... We just got DONE designing Gundams! Now we gotta do it all over again??" Stephanie moaned, "I wanted to put together my model..."
    "I'm never gonna get my animation cel..." Shannon sighed. Nimeesha motioned for some guards to come over.
    "Take them to their quarters. Make sure they're comfortable. They'll work better that way."
    "You mean we're not gonna be locked in dinky prison cells, no da?" Jeanie asked, hopefully.
    "You're getting our best guest suites. However, you will design the suits. You have to earn your keep after all." Nimeesha smiled. Tiffany's eyes narrowed.
    "I thought you were having peace talks with the World Nation."
    "We are. For now."

        A few days later...
    "Okay, we've got the blue prints done for Anteros, and we've already started constructing Hymemaios." Tiffany scowled at Nimeesha, who sat at her desk, "Are we 'earning our keep'?"
    Nimeesha ignored the tone and nodded.
    "Quite. Take her back to the construction hangar." Nimeesha motioned to two guards who escorted Tiffany out.
    Tiffany glanced back over her shoulder as the office door closed. We'll figure some way out of this. Just you wait, Mrs. Pembroke. We'll get your suits finished... But that doesn't mean we'll make them our best.

Continued In Gundam Wing: A New Era, Episode 18,
"The Assassination"

Anime references in this episode:
The spell Shannon was reciting was the Giga Slave from the Slayers.
Flare Arrow, Freeze Arrow, Demona Crystal, and Explosion Array are all spells from the Slayers
"Light come forth" is reference to the Sword of Light from the Slayers.
Water Dragon is from Magic Knight Rayearth. Cephiro is the land in which MKR takes place.
Flare Up Now (Damnit) is from Ronin Warriors. The real Kiandra (Kia Purity) adores the show.
Super Saiya-jin/Kamehameha/Big Bang Attack are all things from Dragon Ball Z.
Disappearing into a kasa, "Lekka Shien", Nyan Nyan, and ryuseisui are Fushigi Yuugi references.