A Melancholy Embrace
Written by: One Amahira

    Trowa flipped on the light and led Tiffany into his campus apartment. They hadn’t really spoken much as they hurried across the base.
    “M-mind if I use your shower?” Tiffany didn’t look at him, wiping at some grease smudged on her face.
    “Over there. There’s an extra towel or two in the cupboard.” Trowa showed her the way. The pale woman slipped in quietly and closed the door behind her.
    He sighed, shrugging off his jacket and removing his shoes. Trowa tossed them aside angrily. Though he wasn’t sure why.
    Why am I feeling this way...? He questioned himself. Is it because someone came after her again? If I hadn’t been there... The normally stoic pilot clenched a fist. He began to pace around the room, silence broken only by the sound of running water.

    Tiffany left her grungy overalls and other clothes crumpled on the floor, then checked the temperature of the water before stepping in. For awhile, she just stood there, letting the warm water run down her naked body. He hair grew wet and clung to her slender curves. If she could have stayed there forever, forgetting everything outside, she would have.
    Reluctantly Tiffany poured shampoo into her hand. Sighing, she began to wash her long hair. Being clean will help, she told herself.
    Her eyes closed and she shuddered, seeing Oren’s face distorted with shock and pain, blood seeping through his clothes and pooling on the ground. There was hatred in Tiffany for him, but she hoped to God that man lived.
    And then there was Trowa.
    His eyes were so empty... Yet how his look, his entire demeanor changed from that to concern for her was what disturbed her the most. It was surreal, inhuman to the albino woman.
    I wish we’d never taken this job. Jeanie, Jenna, Kiandra, Momoko, Shannon, Stephanie, and I would all be at home. None of this would have happened. No Gundams, no being kidnapped, no being locked up in goddamned crates! None of this! At the moment, she also wished she’d never been drawn to Trowa.
    All this killing. Tiffany turned to let the water rinse the shampoo from her hair.
    Killing. Hadn’t that been what was going on all along? Hadn’t that been what Trowa had been doing? Almost literally his whole life?
    Isn’t it what I’ve been doing as well? Aren’t I responsible too? Realization dawned on her. Great, I’m a hypocrite on top of everything else. Building those weapons isn't any different at all... I was only fooling myself.
    She was surprised Trowa hadn’t called her on that fact. Surely, he had realized it awhile ago. Or had even always known.

    Trowa had since stopped pacing and pulled his shirt off, tossing it aside with his jacket and shoes as well. While he was not without some scars, Trowa was well put together. Not quite as wiry as he had been in his youth, his shoulders had grown broader, and muscles more toned from years of death defying stunts at the circus. He sat down on his bed and thought back to what Tiffany had said to him.
    She said she was... scared of me... “I don’t know if I’m more scared of being kidnapped again, or more scared of you!” Her voice echoed in his head.
    She was more scared of me. Looking back, Tiffany had fearlessly stared down Oren’s gun barrel, more angry than afraid. She hadn’t returned Trowa’s embrace when she was crying. In fact, she seemed to have escaped it as soon as possible.
    I shouldn’t have brought her here... She could have stayed the night with somebody else. Trowa lay down and stared up at the ceiling, his brown hair shrouding one deep green eye.
    “I’m angry at myself.” He concluded to the unresponsive ceiling. Because I made her afraid of me. He wanted her to feel safe, safe with him, but he couldn’t.
    What could he do to change that? The Gundam pilot rose and resumed pacing. He stopped and looked thoughtfully at the DNA test results that remained on his desk. Tiffany had done what no one else had. She convinced him to look into who he really was and where he’d come from. Quatre had tried once, but Trowa had dismissed the idea.
    It was hard to really see how they’d gotten where they were. He supposed it was mostly due to Tiffany’s persistence when they’d first met. Still, the silent man had been struck by her. She struck a nerve, and Trowa knew being around her had changed him in some ways. Sometimes though, she left him at a total loss. The whole situation was new to him. Trowa ran his fingers through his hair.
    I don’t know what I’m doing... When she comes out, what do I do? Or say? Will she even listen to me...? Damnit. He sighed and shook his head. Tiffany had been in love before, engaged even. He hadn’t. That wasn’t to say he hadn’t felt love, or been loved, but not like this. Not this all-consuming way. Trowa shut his eyes tight.
    I think about you all the time. You’re the last thing I think about before I fall asleep. You distract me from everything else, ever since I met you. You distract me from the emptiness I’ve always felt. Why does it seem there isn’t anything I can do for you?
    The ringing phone interrupted his him.
    “Hello?” Trowa picked it up.
    “Hello,” It was Quatre, “is Tiffany with you?”
    “She’s taking a shower.”
    “I thought she’d be with you. Would you please let her know that her friends and co-workers are safe?”
    Well, that gave him something to say to the engineer when she came out.
    “All right. Have there been any other incidents?”
    “Unfortunately...” Quatre sighed. “Siduri and Meiran. Whoever is up to this knows for sure who they want to target. But I’m pretty certain it isn’t Venus. Anyway, Siduri is all right.... Meiran is in the hospital. I haven’t heard anything else, it only happened a little while ago.”
    “I see.”
    “Are you okay, Trowa?” Quatre questioned him. “You sound a bit... off.”
    Trowa half-smiled at his friend’s concern.
    “Just thinking too much.”
    “I understand. I won’t pry. Good night!”
    “Bye.” Trowa hung up the phone.

    Tiffany scrubbed away the sweat and grime of a day spent crawling around inside of mobile suits.
    I don’t know what to do anymore. She thought about all the ‘what ifs’. What if Trowa hadn’t been there? What if she’d chosen marriage over her education? Where would she be? What would she be doing? There were no answers.
    He’s just outside... Waiting for me... She sighed and closed her eyes as she washed her face. I don’t want to go out there.
    Tiffany rinsed the soap from her face, then sat down on the cool tile floor. She held herself tightly, her arms wrapped around her knees, cradling her head and shielding her face from the showerhead’s heavy rain. Her shoulders heaved with silent sobs.
    I’m afraid... I’m so afraid.
    She wasn’t sure how long she’d sat there before she finally turned off the water and climbed out. The weary engineer grabbed a towel and worked on regaining some composure, along with untangling her wet hair.

    Trowa turned when the door opened, Tiffany’s voice startling him from his dark reverie. He stared dumbfounded for a moment at her.
    “Hm?”
    She peered around the partly open door, clutching the towel that concealed her naked body.
    “I said, ‘Do you have something clean I could borrow to sleep in?’” Tiffany repeated herself and brushed some of her fine white hair from her face.
    “Yeah...” Trowa mumbled and rummaged through his dresser. He gave her a T-shirt and she closed the door swiftly,
    Trowa sat down and waited. Not that it hadn’t occurred to him before, but Tiffany was, inspite of her snowy hair and eerie pink eyes, quite attractive. Sexy.
    He could have laughed at himself for thinking such things at a time like this.
    Now isn’t the time for that. Trowa chided himself when the door opened and Tiffany walked out. He gazed at her for what seemed like forever to him, but mere seconds in reality. Through the slightly damp white cotton, he could loosely make out the dusky pink of her nipples and the tender skin around them.
    Quietly Tiffany folded her clothes and set them on the desk by her purse. Trowa watched her carefully tuck her underwear and bra beneath her overalls. They were a pale blue and very plain, he noted, mildly ashamed for peeking so. She sat down on the desk chair and faced him. Her pale red eyes watched his travel up her legs and finally to her face. Trowa cleared his throat and looked away.
    “Quatre called. The others are safe.”
    “I’m not surprised. We’re dangerous when we’re together.” Tiffany looked at the empty walls. “Somewhere, there’s a purse snatcher who’ll never be able to procreate...”    Trowa decided not to ask her to elaborate.
    “Apparently, Prototype Mobile Suits wasn’t their only target. Someone was trying to take out Gundam pilots.” Trowa kept the silence at bay.
    “What happened?” Tiffany looked over at him, her face finally showing some expression.
    “I’m not sure. Meiran and Siduri were involved. Meiran is in the hospital.”
    “... She and her family have been through a lot... I feel bad for them.”
    “The Changs don’t accept sympathy very well.” Trowa replied dryly.
    Then there was silence. Tiffany watched her companion out of the corner of her eye. Had the current circumstances been different, she’d have taken the time to study Trowa’s lean acrobatic body. Though it did not go completely unnoted.
    “Are you angry?” He asked, unable to determine her mood.
    “Are you?” Tiffany glanced at Trowa.
    “Only at myself.”
    “... I’m not angry... That wouldn’t be fair to you.” She looked down. “Just... afraid. Is that who... what, you really are?” She finally looked him in the eye.
    Trowa drew his eyebrows together. That hurt, but more because it had once been true. Though Catherine, Quatre, and now Tiffany had changed that.
    “It’s who I used to be...” Trowa broke eye contacted with her.
    The next thing her knew, Tiffany was kneeling in front of him, clutching his hands in hers.
    “I’m so sorry.” The grown woman broke down. “It’s not fair! I’ve realized I’m not innocent either.”
    “Tiffany...?” Trowa was confused a bit by the sudden outburst.
    “It’s not fair of me to be upset,” The words poured out in a hurry, “but... I’m afraid... of you, of me even! I don’t know what to do anymore! How do you do it? How do you separate yourself from it?”
    Trowa shut his eyes. Watching her, listening to her, was so painful.
    “I... don’t know. I just learned to... to survive.”
    “That’s so sad.” Tiffany whispered.” I’m so sorry, I love you Trowa, I really do, but I’m so scared now...”
    Her words faded away into her lamentation, and she released Trowa’s hands. He slipped down off the bed to the floor next to Tiffany.
    “I love you too.” Trowa pulled her close and kissed her forehead. She felt frail, her body racked with sorrow and her slim shoulders trembling with each sob.

    How do you feel?" Trowa leaned in the doorway of the bathroom while Tiffany splashed her once tearful face with cold water.
    "A little better." She mumbled through the hand towel, drying her face. Tiffany wasn't quite sure how long that'd sat there on the floor, but she reckoned it couldn't have been more than an hour. Her eyes were a bit sore, though the cool water had been refreshing.
    "Do you need anything?"
    "No, no. I think I'm okay now." She smiled weakly at the tall Gundam pilot and slipped by him back into the room.
    "We should probably get some sleep." Trowa followed her. They sat down on the foot of the bed.
    "I'm not tired." Tiffany said with a sigh. "Well, not that way." She rested her head on Trowa's bare shoulder. A much more comfortable silence settled over them. Trowa put a strong arm around her.
    I'm glad...
    "You're so strange... I don't understand you, Trowa." Tiffany was surprised when he started to chuckle. "What?" She sat up straight and looked at him.
    "I don't understand you either." Trowa smiled and studied her. He could not describe the emotion he saw in those unusual eyes.
    Much in the same fashion with which a snake strikes its prey, and with perhaps as much speed, Tiffany kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He could tell something was different about this kiss. It was as if she were searching for some kind of answer words couldn't convey. Trowa held her tightly and returned the kiss.
    "Tiffany-"
    "Ssh." She quieted him, her hands sliding down from Trowa's neck and gently over his smooth chest. "You're warm." The albino woman murmured in his ear. Trowa wrapped his arms around Tiffany's small waist and kissed her neck.
    She's beautiful.
    Her slender hands were soft and her touch light. Trowa closed his eyes, his own hands beginning to travel up beneath Tiffany's shirt, following the voluptuous shape of her torso. She made no motion of protest, but Trowa stopped himself and looked at her. He could recall how upset and afraid she'd been just a little while ago. I don't want to take advantage of that, of her. He let go of her, however, Tiffany lied down, pulling Trowa beside her and neglecting the shirt that was so close to revealing her to him.
    "It's all right." She whispered, almost seductively into his ear. Moving closer, it was now clear to him just who had the advantage. Tiffany kissed his neck, or at least, that was what he had thought she was going to do. Trowa felt the damp warmth of her lips, and a slight pain that was not wholly unpleasant. The acute bit of pain sent a rush of sensation through his body.
    "Hmm." She pulled back. "That's a nice one." She grinned and poked at the fresh bruise. They sat back up.
    "Is it, now?" Trowa inquired with an amused expression, rubbing his neck. Tiffany nodded; kissing him quickly and moving before his lips could return it. Her kisses shifted downward, and she could hear a slight change in the breathing of the man next to her. He returned her earlier favor, leaving his own make upon her neck. She laughed a little.
    "Do you even know what you're doing?" A playful smile crossed her face, eyes dancing with laughter and shining with desire.
    "Vaguely. I learn quickly." Trowa whispered, sending a shiver of excitement down Tiffany's spine. He touched her cheek and neck, then his hands searched downed the sides of her body, following the delicate curve concealed by cotton. She buried her flushed face in his chest, breathing in his scent deeply, nuzzling against him. So warm. She noticed he seemed to be losing himself in thought, a frown crossing his face.
    "Do you feel safe?" His expression turned very serious. Tiffany looked up at him, unsure of what was meant by the question. Trowa released her, waiting for an answer. She remained silent.
    "Do you feel safe?" There was a slight edge to his voice. She sensed some great importance hinged on her answer.
    "What do you mean?"
    "Do you feel safe here, with me?"
    Tiffany nodded numbly, still unsure of the meaning to his question. Trowa turned away, not sure he believed her silent answer, and they sat there for several moments.
    "Trowa..." Tiffany hugged him from behind, finally figuring out what was going on. "If I'd truly been that afraid of you, I wouldn't have come here. I won't lie, I was really afraid, but even still. I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to close to you, but I don't know how..." Her voice began to sound pleading, almost tearful. "I don't want to be alone tonight. I want to be with you."
Trowa remained silent for awhile. Tiffany let go and sat on her knees, awaiting some kind of reply.
    "Trowa... say something... please." Her voice trembled. He sighed heavily and faced her.
    "I understand. I'm sorry..." Those deep green eyes burned with a sadness she couldn't understand, and she wasn't sure she ever would.
    Tiffany smiled weakly at the soldier before her. Trowa grasped her graceful shoulders and kissed her lips, which were easily parted by his tongue. It was not a rapturous kiss, but was filled with a gentle passion none the less. She could feel herself melt a little. Her hands rested on his thighs and she clutched the twill material of his pants.
    "You're beautiful, Tiffany." His whispered to her, and she blushed in spite of herself.
    The two lay back down in each other's arms, resuming the kiss. Tiffany ran a hand along his side, then around to investigate his firm derriere. Still holding her with one arm, Trowa did his own examining of one of her supple breasts hidden under the thin cotton shirt, cupping them. She nuzzled against him, reaching downward and undoing the button of his jeans, then stopping to look at him, as if to ask just how far he was willing to go tonight.
    Some silent communication was exchanged between the two, and they rose. Carefully Tiffany helped him out of the denim, taking his underwear with it. They stopped for a moment while she admired the well-chiseled features of his masculine body. When she was done, she lifted her arms up, letting Trowa remove the borrowed shirt. His eyes drank in every inch of her seraphic body. Tiffany leaned nearer, elegant fingers tracing his well-defined pectorals, slowly circling the darker skin of the areolae. Moving closer she kissed one, then gave it a quick nip, listening to the surprise in his breathing. Trowa pulled her closer still, feeling the softness of her skin against his own. Tiffany mischievously nipped at his ear this time, then pushed the life-long soldier down on his bed. They kissed swift and passionately, the faint taste of salt on their lips, her hair falling down around them like a curtain.
    Unlocking lips, Tiffany smiled down at Trowa. He rubbed the fragile flesh of her nipples, watching the subtle changes they responded with under his touch, rising beneath his finger tips. She leaned back down, kissing his throat, then adventuring downward, a trail of kisses descending down his chest, past his naval. Teasing his evident desire with her gentle touch, fingers skillfully gliding along his hardness. Stroking him more, he listened to the changes in Trowa's breathing.
    "Don't be shy." Tiffany whispered, stretching out beside him. Her pale complexion gave her an ethereal like beauty. She let him explore freely, his curious kisses finding the most sensitive parts of flesh. The tender kisses sinking slowly to her neck, and the lingering at her bosom for awhile. The soft moisture of his tongue out lined a dusky areola before giving her a dose of her own medicine with a light bite. He felt her tense for a moment, then she laughed.
    "You do learn quick." Tiffany cradled Trowa's head in her arms, then as his exploration took him lower, she quietly massaged his neck and shoulders.
    Sitting up slightly, Trowa watched her intently with his emerald eyes, hands caressing her thighs, slowly moving toward the more sensitive areas of the inner thighs and the snowy tuft of hair between them. He carefully began to spread them apart; revealing the moistened furrows nestled at the fork of her body. Fingers brushed against her mound and Trowa could hear her inhale sharply. The skin was soft, silken. He ran a finger between the slick lips of flesh, then reaching slowly inside her femininity. Tiffany let out a small gasp as he ventured further into her inner fire, which flamed more at his touch. Placing a delicate kiss upon the silk-like skin, Trowa traveled back up her body, returning attention to her swollen breasts.
    Tiffany ran her fingers through his hair, soon going about leaving another love bite on him. She could feel the heat emanating from their entwined bodies. Rolling over, her wavy white hair shrouded them once more. Eyes filled with unrepressed desire met and held each other as she draped herself over the Gundam pilot. Her soft depths stretched to accompany his member and she moaned softly.
    "Are you all right?" He watched her as she lowered herself upon him further. Slightly amused by the innocence of his question, Tiffany laughed.
    "Yes, I'm fine. Are you?" She challenged.
    Trowa embraced her tightly, not bothering to answer, and their lips met in a strong, hard kiss. Tiffany's thighs squeezed against his hips. His thoughts were unable to form into words, just indescribable emotions as he reached deep inside her. Clinging to one another they moved together in some unknown, wanton rhythm. Chests heaved with heavy breaths, faint sounds escaping between ecstatic kisses. Soon Trowa could feel the swift pounding of Tiffany's heart as she lay against him, breaths growing quicker. He could feel the pressure building as her muscles rhythmically throbbed, it was almost unbearable. Suddenly she cried out and shut her eyes. Tiffany's back arched dramatically, her pelvis lurching forward. Trowa held her tighter as the muscles of her vulva increased their already rapid palpitations. It was too much. His own back arching and forcing him further within her, his heart pounding to match that of Tiffany's. Her back strained against his grasp while her hands clutched his tense shoulders desperately. Thoughts faded, except of the hot, heavy ache between them. Trowa closed his eyes as well and his breaths turned to a husky groan. She felt his release filling her with warmth and cried out one last time.

    For a long time, neither moved. Tiffany lay slumped against the man below her as they tried to regain their breath. Trowa's hold on her loosened and he took in the sweet smell of her skin.

    Tiffany was curled up beside Trowa. They had managed to make it beneath the covers and turn out the light, but that was about it. He stroked her hair as they lie in the darken silence.
    "Are you asleep?"
    "Mm, no." Tiffany mumbled. "Why?"
    "Just wondering." Trowa kissed her neck lightly. She rolled onto her back.
    "What are you thinking about?"
    "Well, we didn't-" He was interrupted.
    "Don't worry about that." Tiffany chuckled. "Nothing will come of it."
    "Are you sure?" Trowa lifted his head. She nodded.
    "All right."
    "Hmm." She laid her head upon Trowa's chest and listened to the steady beat of his heart. He's not inhuman.
    "So," The naked woman smiled, "that was your first time, wasn't it?"
    Trowa nodded slightly.
    "I can assume you have more experience?"
    "Well, I had been seeing the same guy since high school, until I was 21, after all." Tiffany laughed. "But it's been quite awhile." She chuckled again.
    "....." Trowa placed an arm around her and whispered. "Thank you."
    "Hmm? What for?" She lifted her head a bit.
    "For having been so persistent, when we first met. Even more so than Cathy was when I met her. I don't think we'd be here now otherwise."
    "And where do you supposed you'd be if I hadn't?" She inquired of him.
    "Alone." Trowa answered flatly. "You?"
    "Ah, probably still on Venus, I imagine." Tiffany frowned a little. "You probably saved my life, you know."
    "I don't think they'd have killed you." He shrugged.
    "Maybe not, but it apparently wasn't a chance you were willing to take." She rested her head against him once more.
    "... Yeah."
    "Let's get some sleep, okay?" Tiffany gave him a quick smooch and then curled back up on her side next to him. "Good night.... And thanks... for saving me again."
    "Where do you think we'll be after the war?" Trowa asked her suddenly.
    "After?" Confusion crossed her face for a moment. "I don't know... I mean... it could go on for years. It's too far away to think about anyway..." She closed her eyes. After the war... What will become of us after the war? The Gundam engineer wondered now as well. It seems so far away...
    "Good night, then." He nodded, placing an arm around her again. I never used to wonder about the future before. I was always prepared to die, so there was no use in thinking about what I might not have. The pilot watched the gentle rise and fall of Tiffany's shoulders as she began to snore faintly.
    Trowa closed his eyes and let sleep claim him as well.

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