Disclaimer: We don't own this article. We're only saying this because we would hate for people to think we owned this disgusting piece of chauvinistic crap. It's all Hal Roth's! Evil, evil chauvinistic pig! And we are only making ruthless fun of him that he more than deserves! Mwahahahaha!!!!
Girls And Comics - Oil And Water
By Hal Roth
I have been the assistant manager of a popular Florida comic shop for seven years. And I am also a long time fan of comics. I was first introduced to comics before I could read-
Firefury: Yesterday?
-and I have been reading comics for thirty years since. So it is safe to say that I am an authority on comics and those who read them.
One: He's not full of himself.... Not at alllllll.
Nope.
Firefury: And I'm an authority on astronomy since
I've been into it since before I could read! And have 19 years experience!
The fact is Girls should not read comics.
One: The fact is you are a chauvinist male pig.
The fact is I read manga, Japanese comics. Or are those not comics because
they're not American?
Firefury: The fact is, to keep me from reading
my comics, you would have to pry them from my cold, dead fingers.
One: He should really learn not to mix fact and
opinion. It only gets worse from here, folks.
This is the truth.
Firefury: This is the truth in the same way that
it's true Bush won the election. It all depends on the reader.
One: I told ya, folks. ... Ironic, he's from
Florida, isn't it? Bet he had problems with chad.
To say that girls don't read comics, is stating the obvious. But I have come to the conclusion that comics are not for girls.
Firefury: Then explain this Gundam comic in my
hands right now? Or am I not really a girl!? *gasps and looks down* ...
No, boobs are still there, nothing funny between the legs... I'm a girl!
One: He probably only is talking about American
comics. Which I don't read often because I don't like the art style. But
hey, I read Spiderman in the paper until they stopped running it in our
paper. And hey, Wonder Woman used to be pretty cool until she started wearing
a *rimshot noise* wonder bra only. (Aka, skimpy outfit, aka battle bikini,
and yes, I know anime and manga has its fair share of skimpy outfits, but
not every damned heroine wears one. The girls in Magic Knight Rayearth
aren't in battle bikinis, Kaitou Jeanne isn't in one. Sailor fukus are
not quite skimpy, but they do come close. Miaka doesn't wear a battle bikini,
and hey, Soi's outfit, while certainly giving a nice view of her legs,
is not a battle bikini. NAGA wears a battle bikini. Princess Minerva wears
a battle bikini.)
The girls that come into my comic shop are usually brought there by their boyfriends and they show no respect to the art-form of comics.
Firefury: Well, when people who try to bring the
art-form to them are male chauvinist pigs, they aren't going to show a
whole lot of respect.
One: I can only wonder why a guy would bring
his girlfriend to a comic book shop anyways.
These girls pull comics half way out of the back-issue bins, trying to touch them as little as possible like they were dirty socks, then snicker at the covers.
One: I've been in a comic book store. Let's face
it. Some of the stuff is pretty corny and merits a snickering.
Firefury: And has he ever asked why these girls
touch the comics as little as possible? Has Hal ever gotten off his stool
behind the counter to find out? Maybe they don't want to damage them, given
how much some comics are worth these days.
Frequently a girl will bring a comic over to the boy they came in with and poke fun at the comic!
One: Hm, did it ever occur to you it might actually
be something funny-?
Firefury: Probably not. Hal seems to be lacking
a sense of humor.
One: I was going to say brain.
Firefury: Maybe the name "Bubba" would have been
more appropriate.
I feel bad for these boys, I can see the shame in their eyes as they pretend to laugh. Those girls are embarrassing themselves and their boyfriends.
One: Maybe they aren't pretending? And if they
didn't like how the girl was acting, they could always tell her nicely.
Firefury: Believe me, if the girl was embarrassing
herself, she wouldn't be doing it. She may be uneasy, so she may be trying
to break the tension with some humor. It's very common in social situations.
Something Hal probably doesn't have any experience with.
One: I know from personal experience there's
a lot of tension when a girl is in what is considered a male environment,
such as a comic book store. I felt it when I was in one. She looks out
of place. I also get that feeling of tension when I'm at the hobby shop
with Firefury, and dressed nicely. And if the old man there tells me the
enamels aren't for nails for a third time when next I'm there, I may tell
him what for.
I am a keen observer of human behavior and the attitude of a girl in a comic shop is like that of a Vulcan amongst Ferengi.
Firefury: A Trekkie metaphor! You can't be a keen
observer unless you EXPERIENCE human behavior, Trek-boy! Which I think
we've already determined Hal HASN'T. (Our
apologies to Trek fans)
One: No one can be human and be a 'keen observer
of human behavior'. We are always, no matter how wide our views are, tainted
by our own opinions. By the way our own mind processes things.
They think they are so much better than comics. Those girls don't think I'm watching them from my stool behind the counter as I bag and board comics. But I am. I see them in their little belly-shirts acting like they are so above comics.
Firefury: Well, if you hold comics above humans,
you should probably be locked up. And I probably know where you're watching
us girls, Hal. Newsflash! Look up about another foot, at the face, not
the boobs, you sick pedophile!
One: "But I am. I see them" ... Now you are starting
to sound like a psychopath. This is not a healthy thing. So all girls wear
belly-shirts, eh? Or just the ones that come into your shop? You can't
judge somebody by what they wear. As I said on a message board regarding
your article. One day I'm walking around with my belly showing and wearing
short shorts. The next I'm in loose jeans and an over sized t-shirt with
Quatre on it. (Bishounen! =) And the day after that, I'm in a nice pair
of black pants and a business jacket! How you gonna judge me in each different
out fit? Girly-girl? Tomboy? Business woman? YOU CAN'T TELL! Never
know what I'll be wearing next, my 'friend'.
Firefury: If all the girls that come into his
shop with their boyfriends wear belly-shirts, I'd say that says something
about all the boys who come into his shop.
The reality is that girls lack the imagination of boys-
One: OKAY, THE BUCK STOPS THERE. Hold it. Stop
sign. Red light!
Firefury: UNLEASH THE FEMINAZIS!
One: *holds up a book* You see this book? I am
a published poet. *holds up a tape and CD* My poem is on these. You wanna
know how many other poems I've written? How many song lyrics I've made?
Hm? How many stories, original and fanfiction, I've got in the making?
Firefury: The reality is that you are a chauvinistic
PIG, Hal. Move into the modern era, Hal.
One: "Chauvinist(ic)" is the word of the day!
Anyways, I don't think I need to start listing great female manga artists
or novelists, do I?
Firefury: Oh, let's go into it! There's so many
female artists out there with far greater imagination than Hal, whose limited
intellect only allows him to look at girls in belly-shirts and write about
why girls shouldn't read comics.
One: All right then! I'll start with Yuu Watase-sensei!
Creator of Fushigi Yuugi! Rumiko Takahashi, creator of many great series;
such as Ranma 1/2 and Inu-Yasha! CLAMP, which brought us Magic Knight Rayearth,
Card Captor Sakura, and many other series. Need I mention Naoko Takeuchi,
creator of the well known, long running series, Sailor Moon (R, S, SuperS,
and Stars). For authors, we have Melanie Rawn, who brought us Dragon Prince
novels, Jane Evanovich who's series of books I read, the first of the series
being "One For The Money", and Elizabeth Kerner with her "Song In The Silence"
and its sequel I've yet to buy and read.
Firefury: And we can't forget Anne McCaffery!
Who pioneered female novelists writing in science fiction, with her Dragonriders
of Pern series.
-and cannot comprehend the bold archetypes portrayed in our (boys’) sequential art-form.
One: What's there to comprehend!?
Firefury: A lot of comics are very basic. Male
hero(es) come to the rescue of female hostages/damsels/etc and tend to
fight off super powerful villains that don't make sense. I'll admit, some
comics to have very spiraling, bold, and thought provoking ideas, but to
say that we cannot comprehend these is like saying fish can't swim.
ar·che·type
n.
1.An original
model or type after which other similar things are patterned; a
prototype: “‘Frankenstein’... ‘Dracula’... ‘Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde’...
the archetypes
that have influenced all subsequent horror stories” (New York Times).
2.An ideal
example of a type; quintessence: an archetype of the successful
entrepreneur.
3.In Jungian
psychology, an inherited pattern of thought or symbolic imagery
derived from the past collective experience and present in the individual
unconscious.
Over the years the comic community has made many attempts at reaching out to girls, and in doing so have created many splendid characters, only to have the majesty of fantasy lost on girls.
Firefury: More like we don't like being made sex symbols. Not all of us women have DDD cup boobs. And the person (probably a man) who invented the thong bikini should be taken out and shot.
If only girls could see the wonder of such great female characters as Shrinking Violet, Jocasta and Spider-Girl.
One: Mm-hmm. A female lead character does not
make it a comic for girls. And why is SpiderMan "SpiderMAN" and the female
web crawler "Spider-GIRL"? What's up with that? Why not SpiderWoman, eh?
Firefury: We like engaging plots in our comics,
Hal.
One: And we like to actually be able to relate
to the characters. I'm sorry, but a lot of these characters don't have
normal things we could relate to.
These girls don't know what they are missing, and I believe, can't understand what it is they are missing.
Firefury: No, you, Hal, do not know
what you are missing being as you have neglected the rapidly growing Japanese
comic industry. You are missing great series, that appeal to both
genders. Series like- Ranma 1/2, Parasyte, Gundam (a series with a history
going back 20 years), Gundam Wing, Fushigi Yuugi, Those Obnoxious Aliens,
Dragon Ball (Z) (Which is aimed at a male audience, by the way. But has
a surprisingly strong female fan following.), Sailor Moon (which is aimed
at a female audience and has a surprisingly strong male fan following.),
Inu-Yasha, Magic Knight Rayearth, Galaxy Express 999 (a classic), the ever
controversial Neon Genesis Evangelion's manga version, and many, many more
fantastic series.
One: I'm not even going to try bringing all the
great doujinshi out there into this. (Doujinshi = self published fan comics)
I have heard a lot of talk about there not being enough comics for girls.
One: You haven't heard of shoujo manga (girls' comics) have you, Hal? Companies are importing that stuff from Japan like crazy since Sailor Moon. And, um, how would you define a girls' comic?
This is utter rubbish. There are many great female characters.
One: "There are many great female characters"
by your standards. Maybe not by ours. A great female character does not
mean a great comic. Great plot and great characters combined make a good
comic.
Firefury: Big boobs does not a great female character
make. Try personality, and not just the typical 'good, save the world'
type of personality. People aren't like that. We can't relate to that!
But some people believe that more girls would come into comic shops if there were a wider variety of comics.
One: Variety is the spice of life, Hal. You wouldn't like eating the same meal every night, now would you? It gets boring. The same story told over and over again with different characters gets boring.
Let me translate that for you; a wider variety of comics should be read as, “boring comics.”
One: By YOUR standards.
Firefury: Oh yes, Ranma 1/2 compared to say,
Gundam, is boring. Because it's *gasp* different. Oh horror of horrors!
*dripping sarcasm*
One: I admit, we don't know a huge whole lot
about American comics, but from what we do know and have seen, X-men seems
to be the only truly engaging one that's well known in the American industry.
I've heard people say that different genres, themes and artistic approaches may help not only bring in women, but many other possible readers who are not coming to comic shops now.
One: Hm. Works for Japan. And for the shops here
that import these comics.
Firefury: Tell me, Hal, do you ever stop watching
us belly-shirts and take a look at what is in your store? Does your store
have any of these great series? Because in this day and age, a 'popular'
or 'successful' comic store, would be carrying at least a small selection
of these imports. Seek, and you shall be enlightened.
One: Perhaps our friend Hal is stuck in a World
War II attitude to Japan...
I could not disagree more.
Firefury: I see not the fact in this. The opinion,
yes. Fact? No.
One: Fact wouldn't come anywhere close to this.
If girls and God-
One: I told you all it only gets worse!! Now he's
bringing "God" into it! Never mind he THINKS he is a god...
Firefury: He's the "God of Comics" like I'm the
"Queen of the Skies" - self-proclaimed and basically unproven.
-knows who else aren't attracted to the most dynamic and fantastical genre comics have to offer-
Firefury: Super heroes in spandex are dynamic?
One: OPINION, FOOL! OPINION! Superman can kiss
my cute ass. He ain't dynamic or anything. If the stuff I've seen is the
best you've got to offer, well... I'm moving to Japan then. (Yes, in case
you couldn't tell, this is a BIASED opinion from me. This is not just an
MST, it is a rant! I can be as biased as I want ;p)
-why would they be attracted to boring stories with sub-standard art?
Firefury: So Fushigi Yuugi or Gundam's amazing
art is sub-standard? I think I prefer the sub-standard if that's the case.
One: *BUZZ* OPINION!!!!! You may think it's boring
or sub-standard, but others may not. And you are but only one pitiful man
who doesn't even own his own comic book store! What say have you in the
matter? PEASANT!! No, LOWLY SERF! OWNED BY THE LAND ON WHICH YOU WORK!
They wouldn't be!
One: Rephrase that-
Both: YOU wouldn't be!
This is all a ploy to dilute the real essence of comics.
Firefury: Wow, conspiracy.
One: Just like importing comics, right? I bet
you think that =P That is a ploy to dilute the 'real essence' of comics!
Perhaps your 'real essence' is what drives me to look into manga, and read
novels rather than American comics.
Firefury: He's really starting to fit the description
of the stereo-typical fanboy. I mean, you've seen his article about conventions,
right? (coming soon to a joint rant near you.)
And I suspect, to generate employment for the creators of these less than desirable comics.
Firefury: Perhaps because there are lots of people, besides you, who actually are interested in these "less than desirable" comics.
As far as I am concerned, girls can stay out of my shop.
Firefury: If you're the one working at the counter
I'd stay out of your shop unless it was to come and kick you hard between
the legs.
One: I'd go in just to spite him. And then demand
he stop staring at me in my belly-shirt. And make a huge scene. Make him
look bad in front of his boss =) BECAUSE HE DOESN'T EVEN OWN THE STORE!
So stop saying it's your shop. 'Cause it's not.
Comics are for boys-
Firefury: *bored* You're repeating yourself, Hal.
-and it'll be boys who go down with the ship of comics.
One: That's so lame I'm not even going to bother riffing it.
I may even impose a, “no girls allowed,” rule at my shop.
Firefury: *gets out a bullhorn* WARNING! INCOMING
LAWSUIT! WARNING! INCOMING LAWSUIT!
One: IT'S NOT YOUR STORE, BAKA! You are but a
peon! An ASSISTANT! And yes, that does have lawsuit written all over it.
I’ll have to get approval from the owner first, but I am going to suggest it!
Firefury: Any business owner with a shard of common
sense will tell you, "No fucking way", and then fire your ass.
One: Especially if girls start filing complaints
about you staring at them in their belly-shirts.
Even if they do wait outside, I’ll still keep an eye on them surreptitiously while bagging and boarding back-issues.
One: See what I mean, minna-san? He's a sick,
male chauvinist.
Firefury: He'll be keeping an eye on them because
he has nothing better to do than stare at what he can't have.
Just cause you wear a belly-shirt doesn't mean you can disrespect comics.
Firefury: Just because you have a beer belly doesn't
mean you can disrespect women.
One: I love it when people leave themselves open
to riffs. You've got a real belly shirt obsession, don't you, Hal? You
can't judge people by how they dress. You can't judge people, period. You
don't have enough experience with humans to be able to. You only see the
small part of the female population that 'comes with their boyfriends'.
It's a big country Hal, and an even bigger world. You can't know everything
about a group based on a small fraction of them.
Firefury: And Hal, we aren't all Barbie. Get
a life.
One: I prefer he not 'get a life'. I would prefer
he lose his life. (Yes, I am that cold and heartless as to wish somebody
drop dead once in awhile. And mean it.)
Hope you all enjoyed this little rant/MST! ^-^ We had fun writing it! Stay tuned for more Hal beatings!