The Many Misfortunes of Lord Dicken Ath
Written and performed by: Firefury Amahira

Gather round, gather close, I've a new tale to tell!
Though the tale may be fiction, its story is true
Of woe and misfortune, and one man's failings, too!
So lend your ears, drink up a round
And listen close as this tale is unwound!

Our tale begins with one Lord Dicken Ath
You know the type, a pompous ... donkey
He came forth, at the ready, and made a decree
To seek out his glory
Thus begins our story!

There once was a time he rode a wild mare
Bucking and rearing, she was not letting him there
Apparently to horses a neigh means no
Quite angry, the horse then chose to show
No mercy at all, and so the wild filly
Threw Ath to the ground and kicked him silly
And trampled flat his faithful friend Willy!

Lord Dicken Ath sought great reknown
And once tried to take an entire town.
His sword at the ready
His grip firm and steady
Yet his ambition was thwarted
And his celebration aborted
When his blade fell down unsupported.

Then came the time he hunted wild boar
Indeed, a creature most men would abhor
He was ready and willing to stick that pig
With his spear made lovingly from a twig
He raced forward but filled quickly with dread
Caught by surprise, his injuries bled
He didn't stick the pig, it stuck him instead!

So he decided next to lay siege to a castle
His men at the ready, the whole plan facile
Lord Ath was prepared to storm the gate
His efforts to be thwarted by unlucky fate
His great siege engine sure to breach the walls
And let his men penetrate the waiting halls
Instead fired early, the siege doomed to fall

Undaunted by the frontal assault's lack of success
Lord Ath sought entrance through a dark egress
Bravely he looked to sneak in through the sewer
Making way for his men who numbered fewer
The guards inside saw the plan and countered quick
Opening the drain gates to unleash a torrent thick
And if I elaborate more, we may all get sick

Lord Ath was wise and chose next to seek aid
And with the king rode to a hidden glade
They hunted together for three long days
Lost within the forest maze
They came to a halt in a secret place
To check their weapons; bow, arrow, and mace
When the king accidentally shot Ath in the face!

At last Lord Dicken Ath found
A conquest that was sure to astound
A powerful sorceress, beautiful and wise
Little did he know it was just a disguise
He sought her out and made a thrust for her palace
And aroused her most wicked, cruel malice
Her curse set his spear burning, just like his phallus!